Just Because I Am Not Smiling
by The Lime-Wielding Ninja
Summary: Uhura is mad at Spock. Why can't they be a couple? The reason why occurs every seven years...distinct Spock/Uhura. Set just post-movie. I do not own. Rated T for a reason.


**A/N: So, this is my first Star Trek fanfic I've posted here. I hope you enjoy.  
This will be one of those one-shots I will edit constantly.  
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Nathalie, please don't ridicule me. Just read it with a critical eye, and then tell me all that's wrong with it.**

**That goes for the rest of you, too. Tell me what is wrong with this and I will fix it. Unless you're just saying something like "This sucks. Delete!" At least give me thirty concrete reasons why I should take this down if you do ask.**

**I changed the last sentence. I realised it was contradictory.  
**

**And I don't own. But I wish Spock was mine.**

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Just Because I'm Not Smiling

She couldn't stand it anymore. She just couldn't stand it. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura left the bridge of the Starship Enterprise in a slight huff, using the excuse that she wanted a late dinner. In reality, she was going to her room to cry angrily about the injustices of the universe and everything in it. Including Commander Spock.

That lunch hour, he had told her that they "could not commence a serious non-business relationship together at this point in time."

"Why not?" she'd asked. "You said you loved me."

"Human nature is such that your desires would take over what logic there is in your mind," he'd responded.

Uhura had processed the sentence, filtering through the subtleties and slight nuances. "You don't mean that I'd force you to have...sex?" She'd stumbled over the last word like an eleven-year-old and blushed a bit, embarrassed by her own immaturity.

Spock had paused at that moment, looking into Uhura's eyes, not blinking. "Yes."

"Okay, Spock, just listen to me for one second," she'd said harshly. "Firstly, I would never try to get you in bed against your will-"

"Human nature is such that-" Spock interrupted.

"Yes, Spock, I've heard that little speech already. Secondly, do you trust me or not?"

Another deliberation. "Yes. I do trust you." It was always amazing how one miniscule lilt in his tone of voice could mean so much, so strongly to her. "I think that it would be more advantageous to contact me about such things in approximately 19 months and twelve days," Spock continued.

"Why is that?" Uhura replied.

Spock paused. He didn't show it openly, but Uhura could tell he was thinking, rethinking, and thinking again. Suddenly, he said "It would be advisable that I do not reveal such things about Vulcan nature to you at this point in time. There are several books discussing the matter that I will lend you. Good day, Lieutenant." And he walked away swiftly towards the elevator.

"Good day to you, as well, Spock," Uhura whispered, downcast and confused as she walked back to the bridge.

.:. :.: .:.

Nyota awoke the next morning at 0530 with the beeping of the computer, as usual. Slowly she got up and walked over to the panel by the door. "Computer, dismiss wake-up call," Uhura mumbled, stretching her arms above her head and yawning, almost comically. "Messages? Notices?"

"You have one delivery," the automated voice answered.

Uhura froze for a moment, thinking: _Who would send me a package or a letter when I was asleep?_ She knew the answer. She could feel it there, in the back of her brain, but the answer would not show itself. Sighing, she went outside into the hall to see what had been delivered where she almost fell over a set of three thick books, bound together with twine. Attached was a note that said:

_First book: page 837.  
Second book: page 254.  
Third book: page 199.  
First book highly recommended for your better understanding._

The note was in Spock's delicate, precise handwriting, and Uhura remembered his promise that he would lend her a book, telling her why they couldn't be in a relationship for another how many years? One-and-a-half? Labouring under the weight of the volumes, Nyota brought the collection back into her room and heaved them on the bed. She unbound them slowly, unsure whether or not she really wanted to find out _Why_. She immediatly saw that the books were labelled with sticky-notes, numbers one through three, and that each of them was in a different language. Book One was titled The Vulcan Dictionary, and it was co-written by a human and Vulcan. Book Two was written in Vulcan, and an ancient dialect of Vulcan at that. The third book was, for some inexplicable reason, written in Spanish, and it was the shortest book in total, being just over 200 pages.

She took the first book in her hands and flipped to page 837. In the middle of the page was a section that was underlined in pencil. It read:

_Pon farr: the sex drive, the feeling described as 'blood burning in the veins'. An instance which happens to Vulcan males and, if the case may be, their bonded mates every seven years. This is the one time that Vulcans may openly display their emotions without disobeying their culture, though if their lusts are not satisfied their emotions may turn from bliss into jealousy, to rashness, anger and rage, and eventually insanity unto death.  
Pon farr may be counteracted in a few ways, the most common being meditation._

So that was it? He could only have sex with someone every seven years? Well...she could wait that long. Surely he knew that? Nyota instantly stood up, grabbed the book, and marched off to the elevator, where she met Kirk.

"Whoa, Uhura!" he exclaimed in false worry. "You look like you're on a mission or something."

"Maybe I am, Captain," she answered quickly. "Maybe I am."

Soon enough, the elevator halted on the floor where Spock's quarters were. Again, Uhura marched off down the network of halls and doorways, searching madly for the right door. She walked right past it, took a bit of a double take, and slowly walked back wards until she was facing the right door. Uhura rang the door bell and waited. And waited. And waited.

"The bell is only effective when the inhabitant of the room is behind the door," said a familiar voice behind her.

Uhura jumped a little. "I did not intend to startle you, Lieutenant," Spock said with sincerity. "Was there something you wished to discuss?"

Uhura went a little weak for a moment, opening and closing her mouth like a fish, not looking Spock in the face, but it wasn't long before she had squared her shoulders and gotten her confidence back. "I can wait," she said curtly.

"That is not the point, Uhura," Spock said.

"Well, what is the point, Spock?" Uhura almost yelled.

Spock stopped for a moment. That had clearly not had been the answer he had been expecting. "It is illogical to raise your voice so high, Uhura. If you continue, it will damage your vocal chords. It would be a waste of a beautiful voice."

Uhura paused also. She hadn't expected for him to so plainly and openly complement her.

Spock raised an eyebrow, which made Uhura's heart thud in her chest. "I believe it is customary to invite you in?"

"Yes..." Uhura said quietly. She was tempted to make a childish joke, but she resisted.

Spock opened his own door and led Uhura into his quarters. She put The Vulcan Dictionary on the wall by the door. "Please, sit," he instructed, motioning to an armchair.

She did.

Spock sat in the armchair opposite. "Explain to me the point."

"Spock, you aren't my teacher anymore," Uhura smiled. "And even if you were, I don't know what the point is, so I can't explain it."

"Allow me to rephrase my previous statement. Explain to me what you think the point might be."

Uhura took the pose she usually did when she was thinking: sitting up straight, eyebrows knit in the middle, lips pressed together. She saw out of the corner of her eye that Spock was studying her expression. It wasn't simply staring, or trying to make eye contact; it was honest-to-goodness studying, his eyes casting their gaze on every detail of her face and posture.

In the end, Uhura found that she could make no conclusions. "So tell me what the point is," she ordered.

Spock actually began to look uncomfortable, almost squeamish. He shifted into a more closed posture, his fingers intertwined, held in front of his chest, one leg crossed over the other, away from Uhura.

"The point is not whether or not you have the gift of patience," Spock began, his voice tense, almost rough. "It is that..." He shook, through rage or sadness, Uhura didn't know. Spock looked away from her. "I would undoubtedly injure you, Nyota."

This was the first time in months that Spock had used Uhura's first name in her presence, and it brought butterflies into her stomach for an instant. She opened her mouth to speak, but Spock held up a finger, now calmer and a bit more open. "I want to explain to you, without interruption, my reasoning.

"The Vulcan race is, in some ways, the most emotional of all races. Restraint is, in itself, an emotion all its own, and it has therefore become much more than a verb. It is a showing of our ability to control ourselves, so as not to hurt anyone, our friends, our families, other races, and even our inner beings. It is logical that we hold back our emotions. Pon farr is the one time we do not hide; the one time we can truly express our anger...or our love. While Vulcans may perform intercourse in the years between pon farr, I want to express my love for you in the most human way possible.

"You have seen me fight. The Vulcan race is, generally, physically stronger than the human race, and though I am half-human, I still am stronger by nature. It is not only our emotions shown outwardly that would hurt; it is the way in which we would show our emotions that hurts.

"I am torn. I love you. I want to show you I love you. But I would hate to injure you, Nyota."

Uhura thought for a long time. So that was it. He wanted to show his love for her in a human way, but... "I don't think you'd injure me."

"Pardon?"

"I don't think you'd injure me," Uhura repeated, more sure of herself. "Your father couldn't have hurt you mother too badly, could he?" At this Spock almost winced. Uhura noticed, but she continued. "And even if you did hurt me, I wouldn't care. You would have shown you loved me, and that's all that really matters, because this feeling of love is mutual."

Spock blinked. "It is not truly all that matters. Such statements are illogical."

Uhura smiled. It would be okay. "I should really be getting back to my quarters. If Chekov notices that there is another life form in your room besides you, we'll never hear the end of it. And I will need to return you your other books."

Spock stood up with her and led her over to the door. Before she could reach the sensor that would automatically open the door, Spock picked her up by the waist as though she was no lighter than a rag doll and kissed her. As he set Uhura back down, he whispered to her in Vulcan "Just because I am not smiling does not mean I do not love you."


End file.
